Kill The Apostrophe

 

Yesterday I featured a story about a council's plans to abolish the apostrophe from its street signs. Would you believe that there is actually a website is for those who want to remove the apostrophe from the English language? It's called Kill The Apostrophe, and here are the reasons given for wanting to do so:

First, apostrophes are redundant. The number of cases where they make a semantic difference is absolutely minuscule.

Second, they are wasteful. Tremendous amounts of money are spent every year by businesses on proof readers, part of whose job is to put apostrophes in the 'correct' place - to no semantic effect whatsoever. And the rest of us sit there clicking thru with Microsofts grammar checker, trying to work out if its telling us the truth or not about whether we really need an apostrophe there.

Third, they are just one more tool of snobbery. People who imagine that nonstandard apostrophe usage represents a 'falling of standards' tend also to assume that means they can look down on 'illiterate' people who dont follow the rules. You know, illiterate people like Shakespeares editors.

Fourth, current technology (text messaging in particular) makes it time consuming to use them. Why give ourselves this stress when itll make no difference anyway?

Fifth, they actually impede communication and understanding. Since so many people these days arent certain about how apostrophes work semantically its hardly going to help even if a proof-reader puts them all in the 'correct' places in some text.

Sixth, they are a distraction for otherwise reasonable and intelligent people. If youre the kind of person who does know and care about the 'correct' usage of apostrophes, think how much time you waste fretting over examples of 'misuse' when the very fact that you spotted the error means that you knew what they were trying to say in the first place. Are you a teacher who has marked a student down for apostrophe misuse? Shame on you, if so, for prioritising form over content.

For an opposing point of view, information on the correct use of apostrophes, and examples of abuse, visit The Apostrophe Protection Society.   

Wikipedia has a long article on the apostrophe which gives some examples of cases where the use of an apostrophe is necessary to avoid ambiguity:

Each of these four phrases (listed in Steven Pinker's The Language Instinct) has a distinct meaning:
 
• My sister's friend's investments (the investments belonging to a friend of my sister)
• My sister's friends' investments (the investments belonging to several friends of my sister)
• My sisters' friend's investments (the investments belonging to a friend of several of my sisters)
• My sisters' friends' investments (the investments belonging to several friends of several of my sisters)

Kingsley Amis, on being challenged to produce a sentence whose meaning depended on a possessive apostrophe, came up with:

• Those things over there are my husband's. (Those things over there belong to my husband.)
• Those things over there are my husbands. (I'm married to those men over there.)

  

Comment: The above examples demonstrate that the apostrophe does serve a purpose in some contexts, but does it really matter if we write "Johns book" or "Ill see you later"? What do you think? 

Further reading

• A useful mark we should all get possessive about (Times opinion piece)

• Scene is set for a pedants’ revolt as city dares to banish the apostrophe from its street signs (Times article - love that snappy headline!)